Anger is like jet fuel.
When we get angry it means that someone has overstepped our boundaries. However, since many of us can be deeply unaware of the effects from surviving our childhood and navigating the world as a tiny human, these look less like well determined boundaries and more like triggers. Whether we like it or not, our childhood is the beginning and foundational experiences that we use to make sense of the world. When someone has experiences that make them feel less than safe, that child adapts to survive.
This can alter the way we perceive our world, thinking things are “normal” and typical for everyone. So we accept it as a fact of reality. “This must be how everyone experiences the world, and I’m sure I’m not alone in this”, or so we believe. It cultivates an understanding within us, that reinforces our experiences and beliefs about those experiences.
Furthermore, when we include the expectations and the norms of society, additional layers pile on top of our experiences to not only validate them but also to enforce them with vigor. Take men, for example. In our society, boys and men are taught that soft emotions like crying are only for women. With this additional layer of socializing, men are further limited in their ability to express themselves. Anger is one of the only “appropriate” emotions that men are allowed to express. The opposite applies to women. They aren’t allowed to feel angry, because they should be polite and docile. Angry women are unladylike.
Only after acknowledging, accepting, and releasing can we learn to let go of these preprogrammed beliefs. Our anger can then be used as a tool, rather than a weakness. We’re no longer blowing up, or passive aggressively manipulating the world around us to protect our old perception of safety. We aren’t triggered into anger or reactive to a tiny inconvenience. We learn to rely on our anger and let go of this idea that anger is a “bad” emotion. It’s only perceived as bad, because it’s been misused for so long. It’s like fire. Fire can be used for healing, cleansing, and construction. But when it’s misused, it can lead to death, pain and destruction.
Instead of protecting our triggers, we can set boundaries based on our values and what is the highest good for our community. Because boundaries can be a personal tool, but they can also be applied on a larger scale. Then, when people cross our boundaries, or even the systems built into society that are no longer functioning the way we’d hoped, we get angry at the effect it has on our life; and use our anger as jet fuel to find solutions and create functional change.