Letting go of jealousy in relationships.

Last night, I had a dream. It was incredibly vague, like most dreams are, but impactful nonetheless. I was meeting with my wife who had a new husband. The man was very comfortable with my son and I felt miffed and left out. The jealousy was rearing it’s head. I did silly things to get my wife’s attention and made myself look like a bit of a fool. Like most experiences, however, this was only but a seed planted in my path.

Later this morning, I was rummaging through our car and found a map of a resort on the ground of the front seat. It was out in the open but flipped over so I didn’t know what it was at first. When I surveyed it, I realized that it was a map of a resort that was located in town. There were black sharpie lines written over the streets to give clear and specific instructions as to the location one was to head in. Now, I have a long history with my wife, and not once has she ever made me feel like she’d be interested in dating anyone else. Especially, given the fact that we’re polyamorous and have had multiple conversations about it.

So, finding this map triggered something that was out of character that I would not normally expect. Thankfully, due to the work that I’ve done on myself, I didn’t run to her with accusations hot on my tongue. I set it down in front of her and asked her what it was for. She explained simply that she had to drop off an Uber Eats order at the resort, and the gate person had a map to show her how to reach her final destination; since she couldn’t leave it with him. I checked with my intuition and realized that she was telling the truth.

This is another instance on why our intuition is so important. It’s excellent at reading vibrations and guiding us. The vibration of truth is almost as high as love, if not equally. When we encounter someone that’s lying to us, unless there are extenuating circumstances, our intuition will be able to pick up on the subtle, or not so subtle, change in vibration. That’s why when someone does begin to have an affair, the person being cheated on often feels crazy, insecure, or unsure of the situation. They’re picking up on a vibration. This can be difficult for some people, however, who have already experienced heartache when it comes to cheating. They may not be listening to their intuition and instead projecting their fears from past relationships. It’s important to discern the difference.

After recognizing that my wife was being truthful, she realized the undertone of my question. She asked if I was worried while sporting a big ‘ole grin on her face, like the cat that ate the canary. I bashfully responded with, “in a world of infinite possibilities, I had considered it.” She shook her head, and I went back inside. All of this was to say that Spirit was trying to teach me something. An energy exists within my ego that I cannot carry forward, and at this point I’m all for losing the dead weight. I said “bring it on!”

There is an understanding within society of ownership. Most of this stems deeply from the patriarchy and owning women. That’s the macroscopic perspective, but when we look at relationships in general, most of the time, people like to claim their person. This is the foundation of monogamy. We declare to the world that we are exclusive, and no one is allowed to experience you in the same ways that I do. This is fine and dandy. I’m not here to tear down an institution, but I would like to simply address a shadow that lurks in the background.

We do not have ownership over people. What Spirit had shown me through my dream, and the event that took place this morning, was the fear that stems from our partners stepping out on us and the amount of possessiveness it can create within. It feels like we’re losing someone that we had expected to never hurt us. We entrusted them with a confidence that they’re supposed to stay committed and not look elsewhere for that same support. Except, this understanding is very limiting and confining. It stifles us and prevents us from growing and expanding - even the person who seems to be the victim.

We believe that love is conditional, because we were raised in a society that believed it was. We set conditions to prevent ourselves from experiencing pain. But that pain only exists because we set those conditions and believe they hold merit. It’s a paradox of pain. Basically, we’re attempting to control and limit the inevitable outcome, because we’re trying to prevent ourselves from experiencing this pain. So we set conditions that each party must follow and adhere to until death. Except, change is inevitable and is the only constant in life. So when the change comes and a partner decides to leave, those conditions/expectations that aren’t being adhered to are then inflicting pain upon the individual. We might blame the person for the pain we feel, but they’re just the catalyst for triggering the emotions we feel inside.

What I realized, essentially, is that I have no ownership over my wife. Not really. She is an incredible woman with divine free will that I will never stand in the way of. The same goes for my divine counterpart. We could meet and know one another for a month, and she could choose to walk away, and I would respect that. Because her free will and choice matter more to me than holding her captive. When people think of divine union they imagine this indescribable pull that makes two people fall madly in love. To be fair, there is a vibrational pull that feels safe and familiar which causes the other person to feel completely seen, and also an intense sacral energy that makes the other person very alluring. This can make someone think they’ve fallen madly in love, but these are just energies. Love occurs when we experience one another and choose to continue experiencing life together through connection and vulnerability. But pull or not, my counterpart has free will to choose someone else, and if I love her the way I know I do, I couldn’t imagine retracting that love for any reason.

Unconditional love is available and it is so abundant. When we can drop our presuppositions and our preconceived ideas about how our world is supposed to work, we can focus on creating something entirely new and conducive to our lives. It’s important to remember too, that unconditional does not mean we tolerate abuse. Boundaries are important so that we can protect our own energy, and they also tell the other person how best they can love us. Holding someone accountable to our boundaries is an act of self-love which is the entire point of divine union. It’s about reaching a point of wholly self-love and meeting someone who can help us as we walk the path together.

Having unconditional love means that we can be open to loving the people that are a part of our lives without closing ourselves off to finding new love; and love comes in so many different forms. The deep love between a parent and child is vastly different between lovers or friends. The fear of losing someone prevents the opportunities of letting new love in. We focus so much on the pain and negative sides of our relationships changing that we inhibit ourselves from experiencing new love. We are creating from a place of lack instead of from a place of abundance. If one is so stuck on what they’re losing they won’t have the awareness to look up when love walks right by their face.

Which leads me to my main discovery: the people we love in this life are meant to be experienced and enjoyed, not tethered. We are here to experience the vastness the world has to offer. Imagine, there are 8 billion people on this planet and we think we can only love one at a time? I’m not saying I’ve discovered a world without commitment in which we jump from one partner to the next; but, I am trying to emphasize the freedom that exists in a world where we can love someone who’s with us, but be strong enough to let them go when things change. Only when we can let go of the conditions and allow ourselves to be vulnerable will we be able to love abundantly and fully. Because love is an energy, and energy is in a constant state of flow. Sometimes, we may love someone today and not the next.

I know that I will be immensely grateful for whatever way I get to experience my divine counterpart. I’ve lived a life where I wasn’t even sure if I’d ever find her, but knowing all along that she was out there somewhere. I’ve already learned so much from her through our telepathic connection, and have experienced a love that I’d never known existed. There’s so much to be grateful for, and I haven’t even met her yet. Just to be in her presence or witness her work first hand would be a miracle. But ultimately, I’m coming to understand that she isn’t mine to hide away from the world. She is a person that I may get to experience something truly beautiful with and for however brief, or in whatever form that takes. This realization has brought me freedom and has taken some of the pressure off, too; but, I admit, it also hasn’t changed my desire to experience life with her. It has simply taken away an energy of lack and limitation. (It’s 1:44 as I look at the time.)

I’m not saying it’s easy or fair. Letting go of old beliefs to allow something new to grow is the entire point of alchemy. It’s about challenging our preconceived ideas and making a choice on which direction we want to go in. Anyone has the free will to completely disregard this post and continue on living with the same beliefs; but, when we create from lack, we receive experiences that reinforce lack mindset. Creating something new, however, from a place of abundance only opens our lives up to more love and more abundance. That’s the beauty of our world. We all have the opportunity to make new choices. Which direction does this post point you it?