We are all mirrors.
In our reality, we are all creators. Each individual creates their version of reality based on their perception, experiences and their gifts. When we meet each other we create something that’s called a cocreation. Our realities mesh momentarily as we experience the other’s energy and subconsciously and metaphysically entangle with it. We pick up on what the other person’s expectations might be, or sometimes we pick up on their fears and wounds. As the gracious and unconscious receivers that we are, we’ll tune into that energy without noticing it originates elsewhere, and we will act from it. To notice that it’s occurring can be difficult, because people can be so deeply unaware of themselves and how to differentiate their energy from other peoples’. The beauty of this process, however, is that when people act out our wounds or fears, we’re able to face these heavy energies that lie within and challenge their existence and validity. Then, we let them go. This is how we alchemize.
I’ve experienced cocreation countless times, as we all have throughout life. It happens every time we interact with another person. However, there are very few specific examples that I can recall where I clearly witnessed the differentiation of energy. For instance, there was an interaction I had with my neighbor and her son . My neighbor is a little person, or a person with dwarfism, and her son is as well. As I noticed them, I said aloud the first thing that came to my mind: “Oh, he’s so tiny! He’s so cute.” I said this in reference to her son. He was young, maybe the age of a toddler, and he was walking next to her as they were heading inside the apartment. The woman took it in stride and didn’t make me feel bad for my clear faux pas. But as I walked away, I realized what I had said and simply couldn’t comprehend why I’d said it. The implication of my words is what caught me off guard. Yes, young children can be small, but I chose that specific word to describe him: “tiny.” It’s not something I typically do, going out of my way to say something so stereotypical. I get that sometimes we put our foot in our proverbial mouth, but I was very disappointed in myself.
After some consideration and contemplation with my intuition and Spirit, I had realized that I unconsciously acted out her expectations. It wasn’t something I’d normally say, and after the fact, I’d realized that I literally felt like I was another person for a moment. I came to realize that I connected with her energy and was giving her an opportunity to face something that she carries within her. I am not condoning my comment. I’m also not trying to shift the accountability away from myself. My wife can attest, after we walked away I felt so guilty. I would’ve apologized had I not already thought I made the situation very awkward. But I do know that this was a cocreation moment where our fields merged, and I picked up on her energy.
During another cocreation moment, I was on the receiving end. To keep it simple, my wife and I spent the holidays with my in-laws several years ago. They had a rule that wasn’t properly communicated to my wife and I, to which I inadvertently broke. Upon confrontation, my mother in-law expressed that I knew the rule and that I disobeyed them anyways. I knew for a fact that this was incorrect, since I used to be a strict rule follower, and her gaslighting had no effect. But what did connect with my energy was when she said something that made me question my worthiness with Spirit as she justified her beliefs with her religion. That made contact and hurt deeply within. She had triggered a wound that I was carrying within me. She drew it out into the open and forced me to look at it.
In the moment I felt the pain. I sat with it and cried. It was a deep pain that I hadn’t ever experienced before. My wife was there to help me through it, as well as my mother who was on the receiving end of a tumultuous phone call. There was no processing what had happened directly in that moment or any deeper understanding that I could garner, since the emotions were outweighing my rational mind. All I could do was feel the pain and experience it.
A few days or so after the fact, I finally confronted my fears. I determinedly sat with the situation and decided that if Spirit is the kind of god that society believed in and didn’t accept me, then he could take a hike. In response, all I felt was love and acceptance as my entire body was alight with goosebumps and chills. The amazing thing about the entire experience was that I was given a gift. It was not something I’d asked for, but it was something that became very useful. I was able to draw out my uncertainty of Spirit’s love for me and alchemize it.
I had opportunities before this when the topic was broached within me as small thoughts that would arise, but I shoved them away and refused to look at them; unfortunately, that led to “learning the lesson the hard way.” I was given an external experience in my reality to face a belief that I held within me, and thankfully, I challenged it. My mother in-law was acting as a mirror. She showed me something that I’d been carrying and allowed me an opportunity to face it.
However, this moment could’ve lead to an alternate route had I chosen to hardened into my belief, instead. I could’ve accepted my in-law’s opinion and used it as proof of my already existing belief. I could have chosen to deepen my unworthiness and cement it with that one interaction. But I was able to grow from this experience and accept Spirit’s love for me, because I chose to.
This is the beauty of free will and the limitless choices that we are free to make.
Our day to day life is filled with a multitude of choices. We can choose to perceive the experiences we go through in any way we wish to. I suppose the biggest aspect that caused me to challenge the belief about my worthiness, instead of harden into it, was the fact that I used logic and critical thinking. I reasoned that if I could change my sexuality, even for Spirit, then I would. Because, why would anyone willingly choose to be something that was hated by a large group of society? I knew deep down that my sexuality wasn’t a choice, because I didn’t choose it. And if I’d try to choose something else based on the pressures of society, then doing so would only cause me pain and suffering. I decided not to take on that pressure and conform to what was expected of me, and if God didn’t love me because of that, then that was a Him problem.
Alternatively, many people view their suffering as a devotion to their faith. This was something that I had struggled with as I contemplated this experience. Pain can be a powerful teacher, but to suffer is a choice. We choose to suffer instead of letting go, and believing that Spirit wishes to see you suffer as a pledge is a man-made distortion. I, as a parent, would never wish to see my son suffer to show me his dedication to our relationship.
Ironically, Spirit loves us so deeply and unconditionally that they help create a reality that allows us to choose suffering. We are given exactly what we desire with our free will, even if those things aren’t good for us. Your individual reality is created by your beliefs and your understanding of those beliefs; most, of which, had developed from the experiences and lessons we learned in childhood. Later in life, we are given these cocreation moments to notice the energies we harbor within and an opportunity to choose whether we wish to change our reality. Except, people can only help facilitate that for us, they can’t force us to change or grow if we choose otherwise.
Additionally, this also means that someone cannot “make you feel things.” I’d once said those words to my wife. I’d told her that she was making me feel stupid about a particular topic we were discussing. But, I know my wife. She wouldn’t go out of her way to make me feel stupid, because she’s too kind and loving. Instead, I was struggling with the discourse that was happening inside me. I was faced with cognitive dissonance. I didn’t know how to accept the clear and logical information she was giving me without letting go of what I already held to be true. It was battling within, and when I couldn’t stand the feeling anymore, I lashed out at my wife. I angrily told her she was making me feel stupid. Then, she told me she couldn’t make me feel anything. If she had the power to do that, then she could control me and make me do anything she wanted. I realized she was right.
When I mentioned that my mother in-law told me I deliberately disobeyed her, I already knew she was wrong. Her gaslighting had no effect on me, because I had no doubts about my character. People can choose to act in ways that would trigger our buttons. They can manipulate our perception to make us react in certain ways. They can use your emotions as proof that you’re the problem, and they’ll distort how other people perceive you as well. This gives the appearance that someone can control us, but if we don’t respond in the way they expect, they have no power over us. The attempt to gaslight me was a button/trigger that didn’t exist within me; therefore, she had received no reaction or uncertainty. However, when my mother in-law struck a trigger that had to do with worthiness, she made direct contact.
I’m grateful that this painful experience happened to me. It has changed my life in so many ways and brought forth incredible blessings, but I can absolutely guarantee that I had no idea it would’ve been so pivotal at the time. In the moment, we’re so blinded and consumed with pain, loss, or a broken heart. Our emotions demand to be felt, and we should get all that we can out of our experiences, because they are as precious as they are painful. They offer a perspective that not many can withstand. This isn’t to say that people should experience pain, but those of you that do, are warriors. The strongest people I’ve ever met have faced the darkest of nights. My wife is one of them.
We have the free will to choose how we perceive and live this life. In the moments of contemplation as I sat with the unworthiness, I chose myself. My reasoning was that I knew I couldn’t respect someone, even a deity, if they would prefer I suffered instead of lived authentically. And given the way religion has shaped many people’s understanding of our reality, that was a pretty big risk. My eternal soul in damnation is on the line. To anyone who still lives inauthentically because they’re afraid of the repercussions, do not shame yourself. This life is difficult, and it can feel so heavy and burdensome. I wouldn’t dare ask anyone that felt unsafe to risk themselves for freedom, but it is always there for you to choose.
This is why relationships and connections are so critical in our lives. People aren’t just there to support us, but they’re also there to reflect something back at us that we can grow from. They poke those wounds that exist within us so that we can face them and let go of the pain and fear. Community can help develop us to become the versions of ourselves that we want to be, and by facing and releasing the pain we stand a greater chance at living a more whole and peaceful life - capable of creating our wildest dreams.